What I Wish Everyone Knew About Losing Weight

The Truth About My Weight Loss

We live in a society that pressurises us as individuals to conform and become a healthy individual. Therefore, from a young age we are criticised for our eating habits, body shape and weight. Now more than ever there appears to be this social pressure to be thin and younger individuals are especially susceptible to the belief they need to look a certain way in order to be accepted. But it is these social pressures that can cause an obsessive need to control what you eat, how you look and the weight you are.

 
I used to be a UK size 10, not exactly considered obese yet society told me I had to be smaller. I never really listened to others opinions until earlier this year. That was the first time I had ever been called “fat” to my face. That was the tipping point I suppose.
It started out with cutting out the three foods linked to putting on weight: bread, pasta and potatoes. Then I read about only consuming 60 grams of sugar a day. So, instead of following that advice, I attempted to cut it out as much as I possibly could. I also switched normal sugar for an alternative called Xylitol. I needed to cut carbs and so wheat flour was switched for gluten free alternatives: coconut flour and finely ground almond. Trust me, it’s much harder than it appears.

 
I began losing weight but the more I lost, the more control I needed. When I hit a size UK 8 I began cutting how many meals I could eat in a day, from three meals to two. I would stare at myself in mirrors, pointing out every fault I could see. Every day this list would increase.

 
Then I hit a size 6. The issue? Whenever I looked in the mirror I didn’t feel small enough. Worse, I felt so self conscious about how I looked that I went out less. I wouldn’t meet up with my friends and any exercise I did had to be late in the evening so I couldn’t be spotted. Worst still, I was again called “obese”. That’s when I felt the need to exert more control over what I ate. Skipping meals became a common affair, from two meals to one. I purchased a Fitbit to ensure I was walking enough. I logged everything I ate, counted the calories and challenged myself to eat less and less every day.

 
The truth is everything else in my life felt out of my control, I was stressed, depressed, my health out of my hands, I had low self-esteem and particular life events had created an unhealthy mind set. In all honesty I still feel all of these things.

 
A few days ago I hit 49kg. The issue? It’s still not enough.

 

Concerned you or someone close to you may be experiencing signs of an eating disorder? Please see links below for help and guidance:

NHS – Overcoming Eating Disorders

Mind – What is an Eating problem?

Beat – The UK’s Eating Disorder Charity

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31 Comments Add yours

  1. I really relate to this because I go through the same thing when I really try to lose weight. No matter how much I lose, I never feel like I’m small enough. This is really well written as well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you for reading, I feel it’s a shame so many of us feel that way but hopefully one day we can all accept that we are all beautiful. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so honest and raw. What a service you have done by sharing your story. Thank you. Best to you. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful. Just be you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sophie says:

    I respect your honest in this post SO much! So relatable too. The pressure on women in terms of weight is so terrible. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you, I completely agree with you.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear God this is horrible what a negative comment can do. I am so sorry you have had t o go through this and hope you come out of this before too much damage is done — to your body, organs, mind and spirit. Rather than cut out meals, it sounds like you need to cut out those negative people from your life. Best of luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you for reading and for your kind comments, hopefully one day people will understand the negative effects their comments can have.

      Like

  5. mirifederica says:

    It’s so sad, how we believe we have to be like an Instagram model to be beautiful and socially accepted – and I am the first thinking this of me: when I was a child, people used to call me fat. And now I feel depressed any time my tummy is not totally flat, I feel sick any time I eat something more than my usual.
    You have been very onest in this post, and you are aware of your situation, so you can still regain your health. I bet you are beautiful even in a size 8!
    Good luck dear!

    Federica

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you for reading, unfortunately reasoning tends to be more than how you look. There’s a control factor, a punishment factor and a feeling of unworthiness that accompanies it all. It’s a shame society places an “ideal” figure as it can add more pressure on so many people.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. mirifederica says:

        Unfortunately I know this: for example, any time I eat in the restaurant, the following day I don’t eat because I have to punish me for the previous “exageration”. It’s very hard. We should really be aware of the fact our value doesn’t depend only on our weight.

        Like

  6. mymudlife says:

    Eating disorders are so hard. I dealt with mine from the ages of 15-30. Even at my smallest it wasn’t small enough. I am now 3 years into recovery and although I still have some hard days, I no longer restrict. If you ever want to talk drop me a line 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you, that’s really sweet of you. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. mymudlife says:

        You’re welcome 🙂

        Like

  7. Eva Echo says:

    Thank you for sharing this honest insight about weight loss. As somebody that got to the point where I needed intervention from an eating disorder unit, I can totally relate to the feelings and pressures. Even in recovery, every day is a careful step forward. Sadly, as much as social media is great for support, it also fuels negativity about body image. Hope you’re doing ok and that you are able to be comfortable being you, regardless what anybody else says.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you, your reply means a lot and I wish you all the best. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I know this feeling. At the moment I am really overweight and should lose weight but the pressure is there. The temptation is there to cut out meals and weigh myself everyday and the pressure from outside is quite strong. We all need to find a healthy balance because it’s easy to fall into a disorder..

    Liked by 1 person

  9. As a recovered(ish) anorexic, I can relate to this completely. I got to my goal weight at one point, and that day, I felt just as low as I had every day before that. The control was not about the number on the scale; that number was merely a focal point.

    The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to change your language around food and your body, and pity those who feel the need to project their self-esteem issues onto you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Twinkletoes says:

    I appreciate your struggle, having been there myself, and your honesty. Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve noticed that all 12-Step programs start with honesty and insist that it is necessary for healing. I now find unvarnished truth to always be beautiful,
    PS: You might enjoy one of the blogs that I’ve followed for over a year called Beauty Beyond Bones by a formerly anorexic actress in NY.

    Like

  11. Thanks for sharing! I can completely understand what you are saying! I had a large drop in weight not too long ago and I got to the point where people started telling me enough was enough, yet I still felt as if I needed to lose more weight. It’s a hard thing to balance.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. A says:

    This was beautifully written! The things I went through, I see some of it in the written piece. It’s really hard to stop, because once you start, you feel to be on the upper hand; but when you want to quit or seek help its one of he hardest things to do! If only people realised how impactful there words are and how harmful it is. I mean for calling you fat, when clearly you was only a size 10, it’s an absolute joke. People need to reevaluate what they say.

    Again, thanks for sharing!!!! I hope you have or are receiving appropriate support

    Tc
    A X

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sharing this is an act of bravery and I am inspired by your courage. I believe that speaking up and about our struggles with eating disorders and body image not only helps us with recovery but has the power to help others as well. Brené Brown says that shame thrives with our silence and cannot survive when we speak about it and I know for me that has been the truth.

    I know I don’t know you but you’re beautiful and I hope you are doing well. Thanks so much for sharing!! ❤

    Like

  14. DaPoet says:

    My grandmother and her sisters were morbidly obese. Yet I was the one my grandmother thought who looked unhealthy when I weighted 132 pounds.

    Like

  15. IBlissMakeup says:

    I can relate to this post soo much , I’ve come to the conclusion with my own experience that the weight loss progress is never going to be enough ..and there is no perfect body

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      I completely agree with you, I’ve spent so many months restricting what and how much I eat along with the exercises I do. I believe it’s important to focus on improving how you feel about the way you look and knowing everyone has insecurities rather than pointing out your every flaw and every other woman’s attributes.

      Like

      1. IBlissMakeup says:

        So true …the society which made skinny as ‘perfect ‘ can also come together and celebrate every body type and appreciate every body as perfect body..

        Liked by 1 person

  16. This is so sad. I really hope you find your way out of this! You are so valuable and precious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you, I really appreciate your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. marinawhite says:

    so strong for sharing and I know what it’s like. slippery slope. a lot of work to recover lol understatement I beleive in you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. laurhan says:

      Thank you! ❤️

      Like

  18. amylasater says:

    I applaud you for bringing this issue up. It is a subject that we need to discuss, instead of ignoring the fat shaming society we live in.

    Like

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