The Truth About My Weight Loss
We live in a society that pressurises us as individuals to conform and become a healthy individual. Therefore, from a young age we are criticised for our eating habits, body shape and weight. Now more than ever there appears to be this social pressure to be thin and younger individuals are especially susceptible to the belief they need to look a certain way in order to be accepted. But it is these social pressures that can cause an obsessive need to control what you eat, how you look and the weight you are.
I used to be a UK size 10, not exactly considered obese yet society told me I had to be smaller. I never really listened to others opinions until earlier this year. That was the first time I had ever been called “fat” to my face. That was the tipping point I suppose.
It started out with cutting out the three foods linked to putting on weight: bread, pasta and potatoes. Then I read about only consuming 60 grams of sugar a day. So, instead of following that advice, I attempted to cut it out as much as I possibly could. I also switched normal sugar for an alternative called Xylitol. I needed to cut carbs and so wheat flour was switched for gluten free alternatives: coconut flour and finely ground almond. Trust me, it’s much harder than it appears.
I began losing weight but the more I lost, the more control I needed. When I hit a size UK 8 I began cutting how many meals I could eat in a day, from three meals to two. I would stare at myself in mirrors, pointing out every fault I could see. Every day this list would increase.
Then I hit a size 6. The issue? Whenever I looked in the mirror I didn’t feel small enough. Worse, I felt so self conscious about how I looked that I went out less. I wouldn’t meet up with my friends and any exercise I did had to be late in the evening so I couldn’t be spotted. Worst still, I was again called “obese”. That’s when I felt the need to exert more control over what I ate. Skipping meals became a common affair, from two meals to one. I purchased a Fitbit to ensure I was walking enough. I logged everything I ate, counted the calories and challenged myself to eat less and less every day.
The truth is everything else in my life felt out of my control, I was stressed, depressed, my health out of my hands, I had low self-esteem and particular life events had created an unhealthy mind set. In all honesty I still feel all of these things.
A few days ago I hit 49kg. The issue? It’s still not enough.
Concerned you or someone close to you may be experiencing signs of an eating disorder? Please see links below for help and guidance: